I watch our newly caught hermit crab friends (oh, no....here she goes again!) settling in to their new cage dwelling, and I realize that I am just as restless at the moment, and yet there is also a strange calm pervading my sense of being. We're back, after 5 weeks on the road, of 18 hours of flying EACH WAY, and many hotels and packing and repacking of suitcases. My fear before starting this trip was that I would not want to come back when it came time to reboard the plane from Honolulu. But, with God's help and peace, I faced that fear, and so far, so good. Kwaj feels like a place to come home to. School starts soon, and we are settling into the same “calm before the storm” as many other parents: making sure health physicals are up to date for sports, piano and dance lessons are planned and scheduled, and school supplies are in order for the first day, etc. As I write this, Mark and the older two kids are out watching a rocket launch from a nearby island, while the house gently shakes. That's what I feel like the past year was like for me....I never stopped shaking. A rocket went off in my life, and it took a good year to adjust. As with anything we anticipate in life, despite all of the research we do ahead of time or networking with others sharing the same experience, in the end, you have to walk through it yourself and see it with your own eyes. You cannot control the outcome. Well, the house just stopped shaking from today's rocket, and in some ways, now that I'm back, with my year's anniversary on Kwaj just days away, so have I.

Don't get me wrong. The time away to see family and friends was wonderful. I wouldn't trade it for the world. It was more than worth the trip. I found as time grew longer and longer away from Kwaj, more of my old self came back...one I hadn't fully seen in a year. I remembered more about my former identity, and I made a promise to myself to not let it get lost again on this tiny island out at sea. I brought it back with me this time. It was wonderful to see KS family and share new memories of cousins together and grandparents...to see sweet signs created for us to welcome us to our first non-Kwaj family destination. It was a relief to check in with medical specialists to make sure our skin wasn't growing funky moles from the intense sunlight here and that my son's allergy levels are going down, praise God! It was my delight to see dear and treasured friends again in Boston and attend the wonderful Vacation Bible School that a sweet family in our church there put on. It was good to laugh again until I cried with my sister and eat real Philly Italian hoagies every day with my teenage nephews until my stomach hurt. It was bittersweet to see my childhood home up for sale and walk through the new retirement community that my parents will move to very soon. Needless to say, the trip was loaded with emotion. Goodbyes all over again, when you know the next meeting is at least a year away, were tough. Jet lag was tough. Getting attacked as soon as we landed on the mainland by viruses we hadn't been exposed to yet was tough. And having a foot back in the world we will return to again someday was tough. Part of me wanted to stay and have my stuff shipped back from Kwaj this year. But, I know that I know that I know that Kwaj is where we are supposed to be for now, no matter what my heart feels back and forth each day. My heart is fickle, but when I pray, God gives me the peace I need. He is not fickle. He is constant. He is where I must get my bearing each day, and sometimes each minute.

I learned, after my distance and time away, how people love so differently, and how with age and hopefully more grace, I am learning to enjoy and appreciate that. I also see it in my own kids. Some people love with homemade signs and making plans to do fun things; some love with amazing home-cooked meals; some love by making me laugh; some love with gifts; some love with affection; some love with their time; some love with their solid and integrous honesty; some love with an offering of complete vulnerability; and most people love with some combination of these. Somehow being away makes it easier to see how special each of these is. Coming home to KS, Boston, and PA is truly coming home. Re-entering and then leaving those communities was psychologically a bit difficult but wonderful all at the same time. I'm not sure why this part made it into our blog, except to say that we reflect a lot on our loved ones from such a far side of the ocean. I'm grateful for the chance to do this: not necessarily the distance part but the opportunity to appreciate more and take less for granted.

Our kids conquered more swimming goals this summer in the comfort of vacation and familiar friends and family. They learned how to manage an 8-hour flight, with two added bonus hours waiting on the runway to take off, without losing their minds. We became well-versed in how to keep a 2 1/2-year old busy on a long flight and when to relax and know that 20 minutes of whining eventually leads to solid slumber for him (and how to reassure other passengers of this). We received answered prayers in good dr. reports and a scary moment (that ended well) in a hotel room with an allergic reaction. We had safe travels and mostly healthy meals. We got to catch up on the lives of many people, and we got to share a little of our own year's story. (Hopefully I was a little more positive as the jet lag wore off, ha!) We learned that being together as a family, no matter walking the streets of Honolulu looking for a bathroom or sitting on a beach in NJ, is a most precious treasure. We learned that an 8-year-old boy and 5-year-old girl can make “big plans” in their whispering to stay awake but giggle each other to sleep. We learned that a toddler can become easily dependent on everyone sharing the same room for a while and want to do that upon his return home. :( We learned that a 5-year-old girl can become spoiled by all of the attention she received from grandparents, aunts, and cousins and need to go through “de-spoiling-before-school-starts Mommy Boot Camp” to straighten out the disrespect. We saw our very serious bookworm older son “let loose” and “just chill” this summer, enjoying people more and worrying less about his books and maps for a while (time to switch gears again soon, though). We learned that one of our children may need to return to Hawaii for a simple medical procedure in a few months, and we realized what a privilege it was to live with so many wonderful specialists nearby before we moved here, where medicine is limited to the very basic. But, all in all, it was a great summer.

We came back to news of a move to a different home, closer to school (they are moving people out of these moldy units slowly, and we get to do it before school starts, thankfully). We came back to a new food court....a small Burger King, pizza place, Subway, and Baskin Robbins. At least it's one meal a week I don't have to cook. We also have a new family to sponsor and hopefully ease their adjustment here. If you are a believing person, would you pray for all new families coming to Kwajalein...that they will feel well-received and adjust well and that the loneliness that can plague them in the first year or so would be at bay and never oppress them? Pray that I can be of some use this year and help other people.

I feel broken from this past year but put back together again, and when God puts us back together again, it's always a much much better model. I'm looking forward to seeing how this new model works and how hopefully less overwhelmed the new, adjusted me is. What a difference a year makes, but what a well-worth-it journey.